Seein' What I Mean

Good Mornin'

Sure woke up early this mornin'; I think it might be the moisture in the air. I ate pretty good last night, good as usual, of late, but I have heard somethin' about the difference 'tween hot dry air and cool damp air and the way it affects our whole mechanism. Either way, I was ready for fuel. And, I got to have a nice cup a tea, with milk and sugar; I'd run out a few days back and made do with black coffee, but I sure appreciate a nice cup a tea in the mornin'.

Anyway, heck of a storm last night and it didn't even bother clearin' up; plumb overcast this mornin', already to rain again, way it looks. But, silver linin', a good excuse put a fire in the stove, dry things out a bit; poor old Stinky, his beddin's plumb soaked. Might have to work on my landscapin' some; looked like we had a small river runnin' through the tent, when the sky opened up, there yesterday.

Time I got to bed last night, I sure was aware, it'd be a good night, invite the wisdom; I love those nights. While that awareness is always there in the background, nights when it's really clear, I know it'll respond in kind. And, though I can't remember any dreams that spoke to my questions, direct, I sure woke up rememberin' parts of my life, and how they fit together.

Maybe, in particular, the gift of the horse. And that kinda runs parallel to the part about invitin' the wisdom. Thing is, when I come up here, I really had nothin' 'cept, my Tubby horse, an old saddle, a very old truck that I'd bought for $100 and faith in my mentors. I found an old abandon homestead, no doors, no windows, mud 'tween the logs all falled out, the remains of a split cedar roof, tracked down the fella that owned the place and traded "rent" for mindin' his cows. Anyway, I started takin' on young horses and believe me, I got some "deusies"; first one come in from a ranch some south, first time in the round pen, just a casual "howdy do", a little ground work, he smashed through the pen and took off across the flat like an honest ta God, rocket. Might add a little question mark after that "faith in my mentors" part. But that's the way it started and I knew that's exactly what I wanted; nothin' else had ever really worked for me, 'cept what I knew about horses, growin' up around 'em like I did. So, maybe it was a little bigger than faith in my mentors; maybe, from when I was little, I knew there was somethin' about a horse I could trust. And, maybe it was even a little bigger than that, 'cause I'd learned, from old Ray, it was all about seein' and I knew, if it all comes down to seein', there's nobody sees like Creator.

So, maybe you can see the parallel; when ya really need help and it ain't just casual, but you've really give it all ya have and there's no doubt about it, "I can not do this alone", it really creates a space inside yourself, seems ta me, Creator just can't resist. Same way when life presents these "situations" and I've tried and tried, see it as fair and kind as I can, same way when it's time ta help a horse get passed the deal with humans and I really wanta see, where he/she's uncomfortable, 'cause I really wanta help; Creator, the kindness, whatever ya wanta call it, it comes with the gift of sight. And, I just don't know if there anything more miraculous. No one else, might notice a thing; might not be able to show or explain it to anybody, but you know, 'cause it's all you have and it means everything.

Me and that horse, Badger was his name, we did work it out; when I finally got him gathered up, middle a nowhere, no fences for miles, just me and a halter, on foot, we had a talk about our options, our past, the future, the fact I was a little scared and we started from scratch. We tried some a this and we tried some a that, me watchin' for clues and I doctored his leg, that'd he'd tore up when he smashed down the corral. Point came when I saw, big and strong as he was, he was just scared, 'cause nobody had ever explained anything, so he learned to scare, and it bought him some space. Can't remember what it was, exact, but one day he just started addin' things up and he got so tickled, he could add, he just fell in love with the whole deal, and I fell in love with him. Time I climbed on, we were so in love, nothin' mattered; come what may, we were gonna make it. And I suppose, for both of us, certain for me, that sealed the deal; this lovin' and learnin', carin', puttin' yourself in loves way, where needin' to see means everything, I had found my way and there weren't no goin' back.

Have a nice night!

Best,
jeune